Pumpkin Poem or Two by Tony Hickman
All poems are copyrighted. Request to publish any poem requires permission from Tony Hickman. If you need to see how my pumpkin patch is doing this 2001, please cease by.
WHO
Who’s received the largest
And who’s didn’t bust
Who’s telling lies
And who can we belief
Who’s protecting secrets and techniques
And who’s serving to out
Who’s stuffed with confidence
And who’s stuffed with doubt
Who used good seed
And who made do
It might be me
Or it might be you
The weigh-off is close to
Everyone seems to be tense
Bear in mind the grass is all the time greener
On the opposite aspect of the fence
It’s Not That Far
After many months it was time to go
And take my child to the pumpkin present
I’ll simply pop it into the again of the automobile In spite of everything its not that far
My spouse and I and a buddy named Sam
Lifted it into the again of the van
I packed some blankets throughout
Discovered some rope and tied it down
It appeared safe at the back of the automobile
In spite of everything its not going far
Go simple on the brakes, my spouse stated
It would roll ahead and we’ll all be useless
I might think about the headlines Pumpkins
Kill As I drove slowly down a really steep hill
Then my daughter screamed as loud as a goose
Oh my god the pumpkins unfastened
It hit the again seat with one hell of a thump
My spouse opened the door and was prepared to leap
Simply cling on to it, and get again within the automobile
We’re practically there, its not that far
Slightly bit additional I heard my daughter beg
Assist me dad its squashing my leg
And the stem is tangled in my hair
Simply cling on we’re practically there
I received to the weigh-off simply in time
My household was shaken however they’ll be high quality
My pumpkin received there and not using a scar
Simply as I deliberate as a result of it wasn’t that far.
The Subsequent Door Neighbour
I used to be on the weigh-off
Admiring the fruits of my labor
After I ran into Sam
My next-door neighbour
Now he doesn’t develop pumpkins
I do know this for certain
As a result of the bottom in his yard
Is extraordinarily poor
He stated he was there
To win a giant prize
And he had a pumpkin
Of monumental measurement
And he wasn’t joking
He stole the present
He received an attractive trophy
And a pile of dough
I simply couldn’t consider it
How did you develop it I stated
I discovered it final week
Behind my shed
Your pumpkin plant
All inexperienced and dense
Grew into my yard
Via my again fence
It was in my yard
So its legally mine
And you may come over tomorrow
And take away your vine
The Hoochy Coochy
A mate of mine
He’s a little bit of a prude
He thinks pollinating flowers
Is one thing impolite
I’ve to assist him
When the time comes
He will get all shy
And he’s all thumbs
He talks to them properly
“Your a reasonably yellow”
“Right here Mrs flower”
“Meet your new fellow”
And that’s the place he stops
He simply hasn’t received the center
To complete the job
And do the necessary half
“She’s not prepared”
“To be a mom”
“They’ve solely simply met”
“They hardly know one another”
“Shouldn’t we marry them”
“Or at the very least dim the sunshine”
“I simply can’t do that”
“It doesn’t appear proper”
That’s after I take over
It’s all as much as me
To do what I name
The hoochy coochy
You stand again
And shut your eyes
And I’ll do the deed
Earlier than she dies
When the roles throughout
Only for a joke
I lie down by the flower
And lightweight up a smoke
It’s Getting Shut
It’s getting shut
Solely two months to go
I’m scared to demise
My pumpkin may blow
My hairs turning grey
Somethings not proper
I tempo up and down
I can’t sleep at evening
I’m smoking a lot
I’ve developed a cough
And ingesting extra usually
I’ll have to put off
What lays in retailer
Will my pumpkin cease rising
I measure it each day
I can’t deal with not figuring out
Who’s pumpkin will win
Will it’s mine
I’m scared and excited
All on the identical time
The Pumpkin Oath
I’ll care for my pumpkin
I’ll do my greatest
Till it matures
I shall not relaxation
I’ll deal with them the identical
No greatest and no worst
I’ll feed them nicely
And never allow them to thirst
I’ll give them the respect
That they deserve
And never depend on one pumpkin
I ll hold at the very least one in reserve
And I’ll by no means snigger
At one other grower
That has performed their greatest
However their weight was decrease
I shall be sort and thoughtful
And check out to not snoop
I ll be an excellent member
Of this pumpkin group
The Pumpkin God
I want a sacrifice for the pumpkin god
To make him blissful I want a useless bod
Perhaps a moose or a buck or a doe
I can’t make up my thoughts which method to go
A hen or rabbit or perhaps a cat
One thing to please him and make my pumpkin fats
A snake or a lizard or perhaps a hound
Something that may enhance the bottom
Some panthers or leopards and even some lions
So I can develop some wholesome lengthy vines
Some hippies or skinheads or perhaps some thugs
To maintain him blissful and hold out the bugs
Perhaps an eagle or a crow or a crane
Something that may deliver me some rain
A hippo or an elephant however solely only one
Something that may get me extra solar
Perhaps a rhino that’s been freshly shot
May put an finish to the blossom finish rot
A wombat or koala or a kangaroo
Simply in case of powdery mildew
I’ll sacrifice something, I don’t care what the fee
To maintain away the killing frost
A salmon or trout or perhaps a sturgeon
As a result of I’m damned if I can discover, a younger blond virgin
R.I.P.
Round my backyard
Are some massive tombstones
Lasting reminders
Of the pumpkins, I’ve grown
My pumpkins to me
Are household or kin
I couldn’t allow them to rot
In a compost bin
Right here lies Betty
At 854
She blew out
Couldn’t take anymore
And this one’s for Princess
The bugs had a feast
She died slowly
Might she relaxation in peace
Over there lies Bertha
She received herself caught
In a violent hailstorm
Her life was lower quick
And there’s outdated Mavis
One of the best of the lot
An unlucky sufferer
Of blossom finish rot
And poor outdated Bumpkin
Her stomach was rotten
She’s gone now
However not forgotten
I’ll always remember Blossom
She met with unhealthy luck
On the way in which to the weigh-off
She rolled off the truck
And my solely success
I known as her Flo
She received second place
On the pumpkin present
Mom natures rule
Says we should half
This pumpkin rising
Certain breaks my coronary heart
A TRUE STORY
I examined my pumpkin the opposite evening And what I discovered was an unpleasant web site
I measured round and excessive
After which I discovered…… the blossom finish rot
I stepped again and lined my face
In spite of everything that work, I’m out of the race I went to the home and rolled a smoke
I instructed the youngsters, they thought it was a joke
However they knew it was true as a result of my face was pale I opened the fridge and downed an ale I’ll name my mate, he’ll know what to do “Your joking” he stated” That may’t be true”
“Choose it now, get it out of your patch
The bugs will get in, lay eggs, and hatch
Get it out of there, the place it was born in And we are going to repair it up tomorrow morning”
I couldn’t carry it on my own
So I despatched the youngsters to get some assist
The neighbors got here, “You need to carry one thing” “Sure, I want a hand to maneuver my pumpkin”
“Do it your self, you don’t want 4” “Are your wives busy, we’d want extra”
We went to the backyard, I confirmed them my prize They stood in awe,
couldn’t consider their eyes
So I received a tarp and we gathered round
“We’ll get it within the center, then carry it off the bottom”
My sick neighbor, he had a nasty cough
Grabbed it by the stem and snapped it proper off
I practically cried and I stated a impolite phrase Loud sufficient that the entire world heard
He appeared on the stem, it was lengthy and fats
Then he thew it away, he stated “You may’t eat that”
I lastly calmed down, although my face was nonetheless purple “Simply carry it ” I
snapped, and get it into the shed It was nonetheless in a single piece, in its
brilliant orange glory And my neighbor remains to be alive,to cross on the story
The following day the pumpkin Doc got here round His beaming smile shortly
turned to a frown The color is sweet and the form is a gem
However there’s an entire within the again and also you’ve lower off the stem
So I instructed him the story, he stated “You understand what I believe”
‘You shouldn’t transfer pumpkins once you’ve had an excessive amount of to drink “But it surely was after my neighbor had snapped off the trunk
That I had just a few drinks and perhaps received drunk
Let this be a lesson, to everybody
Don’t plant too early, don’t soar the gun Take it sluggish, don’t go full throttle
Otherwise you’ll be drowning your sorrows, within the backside of a bottle
The Mighty Mable
Now right here’s a real story, it’s not a fable
It’s a few pumpkin, the Mighty Mable
There’s this common man such as you and me
Who goes by the identify of Wayne Hackney
He had this concept of creating somethin
So he made a ship from a large pumpkin
He grew a magnificence, weighed 729 pound
She was large and orange and 172 inches round
However earlier than he might make this pumpkin boat
He needed to make it possible for it might float
So he and Brian and Mighty Mable
Went all the way down to the lake and located she was in a position
They went to the marina,to seek the advice of an outdated boater
To how they’d match the outboard motor
They lower a gap within the high, however she nonetheless appeared good-looking
Made an inner body and fitted a transom
Fitted a 3 horsepower motor, so it wouldn’t lag
And added a windshield and the American flag
Then got here the day to see if they may
Sail Mighty Mable throughout Lake Candlewood
300 individuals had gathered round
He needed to do it, he couldn’t again down
They opened the champagne and christened the boat
And prayed to the lord that Mable would float
In an orange tuxedo and a inexperienced high hat
They braved the water, but it surely wasn’t flat
The waves swamped them earlier than twenty toes
It appeared prefer it was over, like he was beat
However he needed to do it for the crowds sake
So he tried once more on the opposite aspect of the lake
After a fast restore as a result of he discovered a gap
He was prepared for motion, able to rock and roll
So he and Mable had been again within the drink
Please Lord don’t let me sink
He went out on the lake and turned 360 levels
The gang all cheered, they had been actually happy
She was holding collectively like bricks and mortar
However then the waves crashed in and she or he was taking in water
The motor couldn’t take it, it stalled twice
He crossed his fingers and prayed to Christ
Now it was time for some quick motion
A voice in his head stated “She’ll not take it Captain”
So the motor got here off, it couldn’t take any extra
And he completed the journey along with his trusty oar
Two miles he traveled in his Cucurboat
They usually stated it could possibly’t be performed, it’s going to by no means float
After the champagne and a pleasant chilly beer
He had a terrific thought for the next yr
I’ll get a giant 150 horsepower motor
And an enormous pumpkin, an actual good floater
I’ll get my spouse in her polka-dot bikinis
To ski behind the pumpkin on two zucchinis
And there’s one factor I haven’t talked about
Wayne Hackney…..your a dwelling legend
Extra Pumpkin Pages
How To Develop – Data – Clipart – Seeds – Poems – Phantom Pumpkin – Carving – Pumpkin – FAQ’s – How Large is it?
